Blog 1 of 4: How to Discipline your child. Show them, don't shout at them.

September 11, 2017

As a parent I believe discipline is very important. 


Let me explain. What I mean when I say this is, as a parent we need to be disciplined in our emotions to reach a logical conclusion with our little ones. Screaming and shouting isn't going to work as that shows lack of discipline. If we lose the rag and start shouting when we are angry all it does is show kids we can't control our emotions and it's also abusive when done regularly equating to either sadness within the child, desensitizing them to your intended objective which is to get the to listen and you are losing trust as the communication process has become fear based. It literally embodies and manifests loss of control which we are ultimately trying to obtain.


Now do I shout at my son. Yes I do but it's few and far between so when I shout my son knows I'm angry and he won't forget it in a hurry so I only use it when his behavior is dangerous to him or others. I don't always get the balance right and immediately regret when I shout from anger rather than taking a logical approach. That's me practicing poor discipline because I'm letting my emotions overcome the desired outcome which is ultimately selfish on my part as I've acted based on my feelings and not what is in the best interest of my son. What's best for him is understanding  why he shouldn't do something. By losing control all I'm doing is showing him an example of poor discipline. If I do that consistently then he'll never know what discipline actually is because all I'll ever show him is poor discipline. On that note how can I expect him to act in any other way if I'm chaotic in my delivery of discipline.


I believe these issues happen because people get discipline and punishment confused.


Discipline is having the ability to do something even though you don't feel like doing it although in life we sometimes need to do things we don't feel like doing to get the things we want. If I want to get fit and lose weight then I need to get to the gym even if I don't feel like it. The rewards are phenomenal though, I feel good, I look good, I feel strong, safe, mentally strong, confident with a sense of accomplishment. It's very empowering and more than worth it. Training martial arts is so important for your well being.


The feeling is so much more rewarding when you successfully manage to explain to a child why they should do something without shouting and they implement it. That is something they will carry for the rest of their life if nurtured and monitored in the right way. Some situations are more challenging than others but discipline has to be challenged I do it on a daily basis and sometimes I fail. In fact I fail every day but I succeed every day as well. Being a parent is the biggest responsibility any human will ever have so it's crucial we take every situation with great care and consideration. Each failure we put on them will forge how they life the rest of their life and those around them. I get a massive kick from watching my son progress through me teaching him. No money can buy that but discipline can.


So here's how you go about delivering discipline.


The next time your little one does something naughty. I want you to stop and recognize you are feeling angry. I want you to imagine what you would feel like if you were a younger version of yourself. My son is 9 years old so lets say I'm nine years old and an older version of me is screaming at me because we are running late for school. Now that would make 9 year old me feel pretty crap and on the other hand it's my duty as a parent to teach him how to get up and get ready for school. If he isn't doing that properly, you guessed it's my fault not his. I'm doing something wrong as his life teacher so it's my responsibility to teach him how to get himself prepared in the morning and here's the reason why because they don't know as we haven't been effective in communicating it with them. How do we get good at stuff we practice and drill. Which again takes discipline but the reward is stress free mornings. Just so you know I'm not being preachy here I'm highlighting my flaws as a parent.


So once again I'm repeating myself but that's you coach. The next time you are feeling angry and want to shout look at them and understand the reason why they aren't listening and start by looking at yourself from their prospective.Try dropping down to eye level and asking them to explain what just happened. Once you have done that ask them to explain why they think that might not be appropriate. If they can't answer then they don't know so that's the part where you explain to them the consequences of their actions and how that impacts your relationship with them and others. Once you have explained ask them again if they understand why they shouldn't do that and ask them to explain why.Meet it head on in a calm and confident manner as it will help reduce stress and anxiety caused by the responsibility of being a parent. Being a parent has made me the man I am today and that's because it has challenged me more than anything I've ever faced. Bare in mind I've been in the Octagon over 23 times going toe to toe with someone wanting to take my head off.



I spent 2 hours one day dissecting elements of my sons life on a diagram on a white board so he could understand how telling lies effects all areas of his life including our relationship. It took a lot of patience and discipline but we sorted it because he now understands. I'm very fortunate to have my other half Jill by my side echoing everything which is a real privilege.



My point is don't shout and blame, take responsibility of your actions and teach your little diamond from your own mistakes so they don't need to make the same mistakes. Their is a time and a place to shout but it's only when it becomes a risk to their own health or someones else's safety or welfare and even that has to be regulated to the proportion of the mistake.


I'm looking at putting on a coaching work shop for parents so I can teach you some of these elements and utilize them in your own life. Being a coach and a fighter has improved my ability to be a parent and that's because I need to be constantly aware of my actions and I've learned some really cool methods through making a lot of mistakes and having a lot of success. 








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