New Life Wellness and Fitness diary By Stephy “Baking and Boxing”
*Please be aware this entry may be triggering for some*
I had my first personal training session with Jill on Friday and it was awesome! It was the first time I actually enjoyed exercising. I am usually reluctant to try new things out of fear of failing (and mostly falling over) so I was really surprised at how willing I was to try everything Jill asked me to do. The boxing was incredibly therapeutic and I left feeling calmer than I have in months. When I woke up on Saturday morning I was in so much pain I could barely move – I blame the squats (they are evil). It got me thinking about the things we put our bodies through. It’s amazing how the body knows how to heal itself and cope as we keep pushing our boundaries. It would be wonderful if the mind could take a leaf out of its book sometimes... I often feel quite guilty about all of the things I have put my body through; from extreme dieting to sleepless nights writing last minute essays (because I was one of those students). It’s safe to say I have not always practiced self-care.
As an ex self-harmer I can understand why most people find it really hard to come to terms with the fact that someone would actually want to harm themselves. Even now it seems like such an alien concept but there was a time where it was the only thing that could comfort me. Almost like a really dangerous safety blanket. One of the biggest myths about self-harmers is that they are trying to commit suicide and that was the reaction of so many people when I finally had the courage to speak up and ask for help. However, it couldn’t be further from the truth; I wanted to live. I wanted to live the fullest life possible and my anxiety was stopping this from becoming a reality. I don’t remember the first time I self-harmed or why I thought it was a sensible idea but it was worked for me. I knew that it would stop me from having panic attacks when I was feeling increasingly anxious but it soon became a coping mechanism for issues that arose in everyday life. In the long term it done more damage to my recovery than good (obviously, I can see that now), Hiding my scars and cuts led to further isolation which in turn made me much more anxious in social settings. One night whilst I was enduring yet another panic attack I decided to bake a cake. I was still panicky at first but as the baking progressed I became calmer.
Having something productive to focus my energy on was the key and that is why my journey with New Life Gym is so important. Already this week I have been able to pull myself out of a panic attack (it was just a mini one really) by using some of the exercises that Jill showed me at our first training session. Jill suggested that if I was to feel anxious between our sessions then I should put some music on and box to the rhythm and it totally worked.
Tomorrow is my second PT session and I am really looking forward to it which is a pretty huge accomplishment for Jill as exercise has never inspired any excitement from me before. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to do some squats without the constant fear of falling over. Mostly, I am really looking forward to boxing again, it is a super fun workout and one of the best methods for calming the mind. Plus, Jill says I have a pretty strong “cross”, I don’t really know what that is but it sounds tough ha!
I’ll let you all know how I get on in my post next week. Until then I’ll keeping taking as much care of my body as possible simply because it deserves it! I hope you all do the same – take care!